


Systems

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Aquaman (2018), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, May gets an honorable mention though she's in there, Timeline What Timeline, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, just have fun with it, seriously idk what's happening time wise, seriously this is just... a bit of fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: “Xavier has a theory that I’m a low level technopath and that’s why I’m do good at engineering. Because I talk to the machines. Which I think is the most badass power ever,” he says.“I can breathe under water,” Arthur says and Tony snorts.“Not even on my top one hundred coolest powers list,” he says.Arthur stops the pushups for a moment just to glare at him. “Are you serious? What about talking to fish?”Tony rolls his eyes, “not even a cool power.”





	Systems

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is bois, but its a somethin!

Tony sits perched on Arthur’s back while he does push ups, which he has been informed is sexy but in actuality its mostly boring. “I’m just saying, meta humans, enhanced, _mutants_ , homo superior- it all gets referred to as the same shit. Pick a goddamn thing, or better yet sort yourselves better because people who got hit with the dark matter from the particle accelerator are different from Steve-esk science experiments are different from people born like that. The system is inefficient. Mutant feels a little offensive though.”

“Well, I’m not technically any of those things given that I’m half Atlantian,” Arthur points out.

“Okay, good point. But scientifically categorization is a mess so if people sorted their damn labels _now_ we could give people like you real ones instead of jamming you into some other inaccurate category,” he says.

“And you’re complaining about the difference between meta human and homo superior _because_?” Arthur asks.

“I’m not complaining because they’re different, I’m complaining because they’re used as the same thing. Science might be a mess, but at least the labels are somewhat organized. Not necessarily accurate all the time given that a mammal is something with hair that produces milk, which also describes a coconut, but still. Coconuts don’t have live births and feed their young with milk so technically it’s still different enough. Just pick a label and stick with it,” Tony says. “And maybe tell people about Atlantis, that one guy on the news looks like a nut and I know we haven’t explored that much of the ocean, but I think we probably would have noticed a crap ton of creatures eating the hell out of everything that goes near it. Explain,” Tony tells him.

“Bermuda Triangle?” Arthur says like that explains anything.

Tony rolls his eyes, “things go missing there at the same rate as the rest of the ocean for one. For two, it’s also a highly trafficked area of the ocean so technically, because of the increased traffic compared to everywhere else, its _safer_ there. That doesn’t explain the trench,” Tony tells him.

Arthur sighs, “go back to complaining about labels meaning the same thing and coconuts being mammals,” he mumbles.

“Just saying, find a label and stick with it. Then the stuff that’s _not_ that label can get a new one instead of lumping science experiments gone wrong in with half Atlantians and also people who were just _born_ like that. Three different categories shouldn’t have the same name so if people who are born with powers can just _pick_ a name the rest of you can pick one too and everyone will stop calling Steve a mutant. He’s not a mutant, he’s a science experiment, and I’m annoyed with the inaccuracy of this labeling system.” Also, Peter has been classed as a mutant, enhanced, a meta human, homo superior, _and_ an alien when Quill showed up and fucked all the labels up again. Guy is half alien the same was Arthur is half Atlantian- _neither_ fall under meta human, mutant, enhanced, or Lenhsherr’s homo superior label.

“But coconuts are mammals,” Arthur says and Tony sighs.

“Coconuts aren’t mammals, Arthur, it was just a demonstration that all systems have flaws. The ‘people with powers’ labeling system will inevitably have flaws but right now the flaw is fifty different names that mean the same thing to describe groups of people with powers that aren’t the same. Totally different problem than mammal coconuts,” Tony says.

Arthur sighs, “okay, I’m confused. Pick a new subject,” he tells Tony. “My arms are supposed to be getting a workout, not my brain.”

He huffs out a sigh because _rude_. “I’ll ask Peter about it later, he’s better with these label-y things. You know, like most youth. Maybe there’s a difference I don’t know about.”

“Mutant is kind of offensive,” Arthur says. “Its not like I asked to be _born_ like this and also I’m not deformed,” he points out.

Yeah, Tony is well aware of his rather delicious and not deformed body. “Even if you were that’s kind of a dick move, calling people mutants. It’s dehumanizing. You hear about that kid with all the eyes though? Like all over his body? I have so many questions. Does he have eyes on his ass? What if one’s _right_ on his sphincter? Can they all blink? Do they all _work_? What if he needs glasses? Would he have to get contacts for all of the eyes or only a couple? What would that eye exam even _look_ like? If all those eyes work _how_? If you poke them do they hurt?” That’s only the tip of the iceberg but Arthur is giving him _looks_ again so he leaves it be.

“I’m so fucking glad you don’t have powers,” he mumbles.

“Actually, Xavier has a theory that I’m a low level technopath and that’s why I’m do good at engineering. Because I talk to the machines. Which I think is the most badass power ever,” he says. No proof of it though, he’s only a carrier of the X gene. Which makes Peter and his powers that much more interesting all things considered. Technically he’d be a carrier too, but he got his powers from a fuck-y spider in a lab. Which made him regret telling Steve everything special about him came from a bottle because Peter cried and asked if everything special about him came from a _spider_ and that just broke his heart. Partially because the kid hates spiders but also because Peter has always been special.

“I can breathe under water,” Arthur says and Tony snorts.

“Not even on my top one hundred coolest powers list,” he says.

Arthur stops the pushups for a moment just to glare at him. “Are you serious? What about talking to fish?”

Tony rolls his eyes, “not even a cool power.”

“You think being able to mentally vibe with some damn _wires_ is cool but talking to fish isn’t?” He’s offended, but he shouldn’t be given that he’s really been handed the short stick on cool shit people can do. Like he can’t even control the water without his tacky trident that’s apparently a royal weapon and he has a brother named _Orm_. Everything about Arthur’s life was basically made to not look cool.

“Sorry honey, but unless you can communicate with capybaras your powers aren’t cool. Or Peter’s Siamese fancy mice, that’d also be pretty cool,” he says. Those little fuckers are adorable and he’d _love_ to know what goes through their mice brains.

“You’d rather me talk to _rodents_ than _whales_?” he asks.

He shrugs, “I mean. Rodents are cooler. You could really fuck with Sea World though so I’ll give you that.”

“Screw Sea World,” Peter says, arriving on the scene. He frowns at the two of them before giving the door a glance. “I can like… leave if I’m interrupting something,” he says awkwardly.

“You’re not. Tony’s just complaining that meta humans have too many names that mean the same thing, apparently my powers aren’t cool and he thinks talking to _rodents_ is cooler than talking to fish, and something about coconuts are mammals. Anyway, he’s totally wrong about my powers,” Arthur says, clearly offended.

“No, your powers kind of suck. Also, I think only mutants and homo superior are the problem because meta humans describe people that got messed up after Harrison Wells’ particle accelerator exploded and enhanced people are technically people that were _made_ to have powers. Which means mostly homo superior and mutants are the same but both are kind of offensive. Who wants to be called a mutant? And I get where Erik is coming from, but also homo superior is kind of rude,” Peter says.

Tony squints, “then why are they all used interchangeably if someone figured out the damn labeling problem?” he asks. “Also, ‘enhanced’ is a stupid term you use to describe _Gatorade_ , not people with powers. You know what you guys need- an acronym. Take it from the gays and stick a bunch of letters together to show you’re the same but different. And sort the damn labels!” If Peter’s assessment is right then not one person outside his generation has a _clue_ that the youth figured it out.

“I think people use the same thing because people are too lazy to learn the difference,” Peter says.

Tony throws his hands up, “well people need to unstick their brain from the metaphorical molasses and suck it the hell up to _learn_ because referring to several groups of people as the same is confusing!”

“Yeah, but they argue that learning the difference is confusing,” Peter says.

“Oh please, you can learn eight hundred different dog breeds but not the difference between enhanced, mutant, meta human, and homo superior when two of those four things mean the _same_ thing? Give me a damn break, people are making excuses for themselves,” he says, shaking his head.

“Can we go back to where you two apologize for call calling my powers dumb?” Arthur asks.

“Look Arthur, breathing under water isn’t that cool. Strap a tank to my back and I can do that too. Sorry, but you’re an oxygen tank away from being human,” he says.

The last thing he expects is for Arthur to stand up, dislodging him from his back so he lands on a heap on the floor. “That’s for being a dick. And none of those damn labels fit anyone who isn’t any of those things and Atlantis keeps calling me a half breed and that’s fucking rude,” he says, walking off.

“I mean, Quill’s got the same problem,” Peter points out.

Tony sighs. “This is why we need an accurate fucking labeling system so we can _solve_ these problems but no, people keep using the wrong labels for _everyone_ in the group and now coconuts are mammals,” he says, shaking his head.

Peter frowns as the information clearly doesn’t compute and he realizes too late that Arthur would have been the one to get that joke, not Peter. Well god damn it.

*

Peter walks out, mouse on his hand, and frowns at him. “Isn’t it date night?” he asks and Tony sighs.

“Arthur’s mad I called his powers dumb so now he’s hanging out with his dad,” he says.

“Oh. Well, sucks to be you!” Peter says before heading off to the fridge to go find food. Who _raised_ this kid? Okay, him and May but still someone messed up somewhere along the way because that was just rude.

Tony slumps in his seat because come _on_ , Arthur just doesn’t have cool powers that’s not anyone’s fault. He needs to find a way to suck up to Arthur.

*

Arthur gives him an unimpressed look as Tom watches on, clearly amused. “A fish,” he says and Tony looks down at the beta in his hands.

“I mean, since you can talk to fish,” he says, holding said animal a little higher.

“Fish doesn’t like being in a cup,” Arthur says and Tony frowns.

“Did it tell you that?” How the hell does he talk to fish anyway? Still a stupid power but Tony keeps it to himself this time.

“No, fucking common sense told me the fish doesn’t want to be in a cup, Tony.” Arthur takes the fish and walks off with it. Tom must pity him or maybe he thinks this is extra amusing considering the wide grin on his face.

“He’s some pissed at you, but between us, with what I’ve seen in the last few years? He definitely got the short end of the stick,” he says.

Right! “ _Thank_ you! I’m just saying if he were the only one who could do cool shit then I guess his powers are neat but he isn’t and there are _so_ many cooler powers out there,” he says.

“Too bad he can’t control water like Mera,” Tony says and no fucking _way_.

“There are Atlantians that can control water and Arthur _still_ got the short end of the stick? Damn,” Tony murmurs. Well that’s fucking unfortunate.

Tom shrugs, “guess he’s still cooler than us,” he says and Tony gives him a _look_.

“Speak for yourself, I have a cool nanobot suit that’s totally better than talking to fish,” he says.

For a long moment Tom considers before he sighs. “I actually agree. It looks cool and you can blow things up,” he says. Yeah, _that’s_ what Tony is talking about. None of this talking to fish shit.

“Seriously pops?” Arthur yells from the door. “Yeah, you two better fucking look guilty I have good hearing too!” He slams the door to the light house shut and Tony sighs.

“Arthur, I need to get back in there to run the light house!” Tom yells.

Arthur sticks his head out the living room window. “I know how to run it, you can suffer!”

“God, is he always this dramatic?” Tony asks.

Tom sighs, “he was worse as a teen.”

“Oh, and _by the way_ your damn labeling system _still_ doesn’t cover people like me,” Arthur says, sticking his head out the window again.

Tony throws his hands up. “That’s because no one fucking knows about Atlantis! How am I supposed to categorize literally one person when half the thing he is is under the fucking ocean and no one knows about it!” he yells. “Quill remains uncategorized too!”

“What’s he on about?” Tom asks and Tony pulls out his phone, showing him a picture of the category system he made.

Tom frowns, “wait, ‘enhanced’ refers to science experiments preformed accidentally, against their will, or with consent from the subject but then you categorize meta humans as people affected by the particle accelerator explosion. Would that not count as a science experiment without people’s consent?” he asks.

“Your system sucks, Tony!” Arthur yells. “Like my powers apparently.”

“The affects on the human body from the particle accelerator explosion is _wildly_ different from the affects of, say, the radioactive whatever that blinded Daredevil and gave him powers. Two _totally_ different things,” he points out.

“Well that’s a totally different thing than being given some weird fucking serum in World War Two and also being bit by a radioactive spider,” Arthur yells. “Why are they the same thing?”

“Because I don’t have subcategories yet, stop being needlessly difficult!” Tony yells.

“‘Enhanced’ is a stupid category that shouldn’t even exist because the ways to end up enhanced are too varied to measure right!” Arthur yells to him.

“Labeling every single person who comes across their power differently is inefficient when you can give them a blanket term that describes their experience!” Tony tells back.

“Your science is garbage!”

“My methodology is sound!”

“You’re both wrong, why label anything when we’re all people?” Tom argues.

“I’m a half a person, pops, that doesn’t apply to me!” Arthur yells, pulling his head back through the window and shutting it.

“Well it applies to everyone else,” Tom mumbles and Tony wrinkles his nose.

“There’s solid evidence that mutants are actually different enough genetically from homo sapiens that they could be their own category of human though interbreeding is obviously possible. But technically that’s not the first time the homo genus has mixed with other parts of itself, so. Point is technically we aren’t all the same.”

Tom gives him a look, shaking his head. “God damn scientists, can’t you just accept that stuff exists?”

“Yeah, we do, which is why we want to figure out what it is so we can efficiently refer back to it in our notes. With no name you’re like ‘that thing with the explosion and the people’ and no one knows what that is. ‘Meta humans’ with a working definition is much more efficient,” Tony says.

“This is why I work in a lighthouse,” Tom mumbles.

“I mean, you use labels in the light house all the time. You don’t call all the tools you use the same thing and all the jobs the same thing and-”

“Okay, smartass I get your point. Can we focus on the hostage situation in the lighthouse?” Tom asks.

“The hostages are actually outside, but yes we should get your workplace back from your fish son,” he says and he swears to god Tom dies a little inside when he hears that.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
